Bum-shot

I was kindly reminded last night of a little disaster of the wedding-related variety as one of my BFFs sent me a photo as she was reminiscing over her wedding video. Which she was watching with her cat.

We shall call this photo “bum-shot”. Yours truly was asked to read a rather beautiful poem. I rehearsed and rehearsed how I would read it and – aside from wearing clip-cloppy shoes that seemed to make the loudest sound on planet EARTH as I walked up to the front to recite the piece – everything went a-OK.

That is until my friend got her wedding video back and it turns out I’d stood myself RIGHT in front of the camera.

Bum-shot

She likes to joke that she can tell the really emotional lines by the clenching

Bum-shot

Taking one for the team, teaching y’all where NOT to stand

Weddings seem to be a breeding ground for awkwardness for me…and I don’t just mean meeting wildly inappropriate men (or one wildly appropriate one as it ended up).

When bum-shot bride asked me to do a reading at her wedding I had to first remind her of my infamous wedding reading boo-boo of the year before.

On that occasion I was delighted to be asked by a great friend to do a reading at her wedding, and it ended up being a cute Winnie the Pooh piece. But when I read it out loud to myself I couldn’t help but feel unnerved.

Was I really expected to stand up before the whole congregation and begin with the line:

“Wherever I am there’s always Pooh, there’s always Pooh and me.”

?

Yikes.

Anyway it was the BRIDE who had chosen it and – as we all know – brides are infallible for the period leading up to, and including, their nuptials.

So I stood up at the wedding rehearsal – in front of the family and the groom’s hot rugby ushers – and began.

“Wherever I am there’s always Pooh….” I read.

*sniggers*

“…there’s always Pooh and me” I whispered, blushing madly.

*unashamed LOL-ing*

So my dear friend Bridey decided that I could change the words slightly. She agreed that it didn’t quite have the cute Pooh-and-Piglet-friends-forever ring to it when read aloud.

So there I was – nervous as hell – on the day of the wedding with annotated scribbles across the poem changing every major ‘Pooh’ reference to ‘You’.

“Wherever I am there’s always you, there’s always you and me.”

Much better.

HOWEVER the scribbles on the page were mocking me; wriggling before my eyes and confusing me so much that when I stood up to deliver the poem I lost the use of English as my mother tongue and, trying desperately not to make any poo references whatsoever (like when someone says “don’t think about a blue elephant” and quite obviously you do), I blurted out:

“This is from Winnie the Winnie. [PAUSE] It’s a poo-em.”

GAH.

“Poo-em”?!

“It’s a poo-em”?!

I looked up at the congregation as my cheeks turned the colour of my bright red dress and saw another friend – who’d been asked to film the ceremony – silently rocking her video camera up and down in laughter.

Bum-shot

Ever the professional, available for weddings and bat mitzvahs

At the reception afterwards at least three people approached me to ask if I would do a poo-em at their wedding.

Advertisements

Categories: medium

Tagged as: , , , , , , , ,

3 replies »

Want to leave a comment on my disasters?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s