My friend Holly got married this weekend. Described by her own husband Matthew – in his groom’s speech – as “bat-shit crazy”, Holly is one of my favourite humans on planet earth.
She’s got her own inimitable style too – Holly was never going to wear your average white dress. No, hers was customised with chains, cuffs and buttons and she just looked fabuFIERCE. *Sassy finger snap*
Even the weight of these extra bangles didn’t stop this bride dancing NON-STOP ’til 4am
Holly is so popular she had 10 bridesmaids. I’ve been lucky enough to go to something like 35 weddings (I LOVE A WEDDING!) but I’ve never before seen 10 bridesmaids. I mean, this isn’t America.
I wasn’t one of them but that was a-okay by me: it gave me plenty more time to follow the canapé servers and the champagne man around like I’d just been found washed up on a desert island and hadn’t been fed or watered in months.
Unlike many weddings where you might go and only know a handful of people, Holls’ wedding was slightly different given I’ve known the lass for 12 years and every year she has a big, fat, fabulous, themed (I LOVE A THEME!), completely awesome birthday party. Folk weren’t dressed in neon or as their favourite superhero at these nuptials, but they were familiar faces.
You may not thank me for that middle one Holls but it’s on Facebook so if you sue me it’ll just get thrown out of court
The most recent of Holly’s birthday parties that I was able to make was a couple of years back – and the theme was LMFAO. Basically you’re sexy. And you know it.
Yep, this one would be EASY
I was one of the first to arrive. I read somewhere that in order to give off an air of being extremely cool and debonair, you should be last to arrive at a party and first to leave. I tend to be first to arrive and last to leave, so I’m not sure what it is I’m giving off an air of.
But it ain’t debonair.
Anyway. Got there. Got a drink. Pulled my best LMFAO pose with the birthday girl. Was glad I’d cut my t-shirt up ‘cos it was a basement bar and approximately 1000 degrees.
Then Holly introduced me to one of the only other people present (since it was early doors, party-wise): her friend James who’d been kind enough to agree to DJ for the night free of charge, and had brought his own decks.
Holly was VERY clear on the fact that he’d ONLY agreed to DJ – and with his own new and extremely precious decks – if people with drinks stayed well away.
Cue me, nodding along like “Yeah, flip. Some people can get so drunk and clumsy. Yeah, PEOPLE, eh?! We better keep an eye on them in a few hours. But it’s okay for now. It’s only 8 o’clock. And we’re the only ones here.”
Such was the fervour of my little speech that I needed to rest my drink down for a second to recover.
Cue me, resting my drink on the nearest available surface (a covered piano) which then slipped over on the cloth, spilling a waterfall of vodka & Diet Coke ALL OVER THE DECKS (which were atop the piano).
I had been at the party for a grand total of about 7 minutes.
Chaos ensued as Holly let out a yell, James the DJ looked like he might cry or punch me…or both, and I just kept saying “Sorry! Sorry!” over and over again.
I switched my “Sorry!”s to actual helpful activity and went to grab as much loo roll as I could carry.
Meanwhile the sticky vodka/coke concoction was seeping into the decks. GAH.
It was a disaster, I’ll be the first to admit. But James the DJ was completely lovely about it and let out his aggression in a series of ‘comedy’ photos.
I bumped into James the DJ at Holly and Matthew’s wedding this weekend for the first time since I’d thrown that infamous drink all over his favourite possession. Let me just say, I have a lot to learn from how sweet he was about it.
I was on high alert at the wedding, spillage-wise. Although I did spill a glass of champagne on arrival it only went over my own leg and shoe so I feel like I’ve really grown up over these past two years.
My favourite moment from the wedding however didn’t involve me. It didn’t even involve the bride. Our friend Bex had been asked by Holly and Matthew to officiate the wedding – she’s not a woman of the cloth, she’s a high-flying city girl – but she has a lovely, calm voice and Holly wanted her to do the ceremony.
We were all disappointed that she opted against WWI uniform
Bex is not an official officiant so the couple got officially hitched an hour or two beforehand.
Bex only made one teeny TINY mistake which was “place the finger on her ring”, rather than “place the ring on her finger”, so wedding hats off to her
Anyway, cut to 1am as we were all on the dancefloor, jagerbombed-up and gyrating away to Blackstreet’s ‘No Diggity’. A wedding guest came up, tapped Bex on the shoulder and said “It’s so nice to see the vicar enjoying themselves so much!”.